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Monday, April 24
Left behind an emotional concussion.
Last Saturday's training was decidedly weird. We, or should I say they - since technically I'm not subject to all that any longer - got punished for slacking and not moving fast enough. That's normal. What was not so normal was that the punishment involved us sitting around and watching the seniors do their own training.
Very -_-".
Brief respite from the consuming heat and tiring throws, no doubt - but ultimately, a totally horrible psychological form of torture. The Guilt Effect - I think there were some serious mind games going on there! It's kinda like saving up an entire lifetime to buy your dream guitar - and then somebody gives it to you for free. You know?
Sometimes satisfaction comes only the hard way.
That being said, I think it again confirms the theory that the only thing worse than Hate is Apathy. At least Hate registers some form of emotion. In the same way, doing pushups or being punished physically kinda lets you feel you've atoned for your sins - and not being able to just bloody well sucks.
And this coldness is killing me.