Friday, March 31
Not cats and dogs, no.
It's raining like all the angels have been holding their bladders for a week and finally decided to let it all out. Yeah, its heavy.
I finally completed my NTU application - ie. the video and all - yeah, I know today is the very last day and I am really pushing it, but well its in now. We shall wait and see. Well actually. I really wanna get in so please pray for me. Heh. I still have some scholarship stuff to do, so... I'm not totally absolved of this whole mess of painful procedures.
Hey, the pee-ing party is over. That was fast.
Well, the past few days can be summed up in a single event, so to speak - and that single event can effectively be summed up in a single phrase - %^#$%#@@!. Okay, not so much a phrase as an inexpressible fit of frustration and hopelessness. I won't even try to explain - I don't think I know how - all I can say is that I, once again, have been the perpetual dumbass that I am. Yes, again. I'm sad but I won't rant; I'm devasted but I won't go emo. I'll just sit and wait for the sky to fall and crush by inexplicable ability to delude myself. Yeah, sounds like a plan.
In other news -
April 7th/8th is coming soon, and my life will very soon be void of a large part of the male population. Not that I'm complaining, really - cause then I will finally get to spend some time with my best friends. Pfft! Guys. Hahaha. Admittedly though, life might be a tad more boring. Plus the hairstyles that I'm going to see around me for some time will be undoubtedly and repeatedly mundane. Thinking back on all the ridiculous stuff that's been done in CJ - particularly the 'wassups' - I'm not sure I relish the thought of the country being in the hands of these guys. Then again, Derek is a commando. 'Nuff said. :D
Life is going to get boring. I can so tell.
3:52 PM
Pfft!
... -_-"
I always said never to trust these things.
2:33 AM
Wednesday, March 29
The quiz that will save you from Loser-dom.
This quiz could reveal your life's direction, unleash your ultimate desires, and predict your promising future - but it won't. It's just something that will while your time away, but lets face it - you know you want to do this.
11:52 PM
So far gone.
Pain. Very pain. )':
[Edit/]
Today at work I kicked the concrete wall 3 times, screamed silently as I collected dishes, and tried to smile as I took orders. I can't, I really can't.
[/Edit]
4:47 PM
Monday, March 27
'Arrr.
"You belong to the sea - with pirates and starfishes."
Hahahah, that's Shaun's take on my MSN nick.
I found it a nice quote.
3:26 PM
Sunday, March 26
Stupid Cupid.
Why am I typing so much these days?
Enough of long posts, I have only one thing to say -
Pink furry guitar straps and sleek ties are da bomb.
12:17 AM
Saturday, March 25
VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR!
I spent the day going about with a camcorder in my hands. My right hand, to be exact. The reason being I have to get that 3-minute video required for entry into my desired course at NTU done. Felt quite the moviemaker, to be honest.
Sure, I was filming weird and random stuff like MRT trains (which mighta almost gotten me arrested - I swear they sent the 2 armed security personnel just to check on me), the bottom sides of Zildjian cymbals, and so on.
Having a video camera stuck to your hand is addictive yknow. Once you get over the fear of being socially typecast as a tourist or a person with questionable motives, filming in public is fun! I don't know about copyright laws or whatever you call them, but heck. It's loads of fun.
Still, my little film isn't done -
CUT CUT CUTTTTT!!
Oh yes,
had a few good solid hours of jamming today. It was not too bad I suppose, but I really wish I had a punk rock voice so we can do punk rock songs, instead of stuff which the drummer gets bored with in about 4 seconds. Hahaha. Playing bass is pretty fun as well. How's that for a rocker chick, eh.
12:37 AM
Friday, March 24
It's just a ride.
Oh, you're everything I'm wanting -
come to think of it, I'm aching.
Well, Ariel was lamenting on his journal about how half his holidays have gone by already - and then I realised that so have mine! Except of course, he is referring to 3 weeks whereas mine is more or less 3 months. To be honest, its been a really long 3 months. And exams and school seem eons ago. Still, I really do miss it - along with everyone who came with it.
What have I done in these few months?
Well I've worked, for one, something I haven't done before. I've started taking driving tests - albeit only the theory at the moment. I've decided finally where I want to go in uni (speaking of which, this sparks off a whole new set of headaches which I don't care to illustrate). I've gotten back my results - 2 whole years of work, or the lack of it. I've met new people, and lost touch with others; and here I'd like to say that I wish I were more determined in the area of 'keeping in touch' - but that's just me (and very likely, the rest of the world, it seems) - too lazy. But I do miss you guys, I guess you'd know who you are.
Judo National Schools Individuals was yesterday - congrats to all my juniors who managed to clinch some medals, really proud of you guys. Standing there and watching the bouts; watching the people around me - it just occurred to me in a stunning revelation of sorts, that I really do love judo. Even though I'll never be great, probably not even good, I still love it. And then I had a really random thought - I suddenly wished I was in RJ judo. HAHAH I know, what a traitor right? But yeah. I think they're just damn cool, for lack of a better description. It would definitely be cool if I were in RJ judo. But that's neither here nor there. But it might be due to the fact that they have rather cute guys in there. -blushezx. I'm not mentioning names.
Boo, I know this post is entirely random.
But I guess its full of thoughts I picked up along the week. I've been having weird dreams as well - one of them involving my entire primary school class. It was just weird - considering I only remembered half of them after I dreamt of them. Problem is, I can't remember the rest of it. So yes, I just wasted quite abit of your time reminiscising about something I can't elaborate on. Too bad!
BAY BBQ NITE this Saturday, 630pm.
Sounds cool and funky. I'm going to be doing something damn ridiculous so, well, beware. Right, this babbling mood is slowly wearing off so -
Ta!
And a word of advice to all whom it may concern - say NO! He might be a molester!
12:56 AM
Wednesday, March 22
Buried myself alive.
THE USED.
Buried myself alive.
You almost always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
You almost made me cry again this time
Another false alarm, red flashing lights
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
And let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time
I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself
In your own way
And if you want me back
You're gonna have to ask
I think the chain broke away
And I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
But it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home
SIGHZXZ.
MY life is turning upside-down, inside-out, topsy-turvy - its being finely balanced on something I don't dare to trust in. While I'm out here screaming on this rollercoaster ride - I bet you haven't got a clue.
12:28 AM
Monday, March 20
Oh, oopsie.
I'm in a relatively amused mood right now,
I've decided to tag on to Alan's idea.
Here's another list of things you shouldn't say to a, well, woman of considerable size.
1. "Arghhhhghh! Eclipse!"
2. "Excuse me, we're shopping for curtains - how much are you willing to sell your dress for?"
3. "Triplets?"
4. "Salad for you, m'aam?"
5. "That will be 2 tickets."
6. "I bet you're pretty good at making hula-hoops stay up."
7. "How do you paint your toenails?"
8. "Sorry for the mistake m'aam, we thought you were smuggling the airline pillows out under your dress."
9. "Your face won't fit in a regular passport photo size."
10. "Don't eat me!!"
Oh man, I feel EVIL!
No offense.
9:52 PM
Paranoia pills.
I just need to know -
Something, somehow.
This scares me beyond anything.
Not again, please.
9:59 AM
Saturday, March 18
It takes some rust to get it polished.
If anything, Jason Mraz is talented. Alright, in an attempt at simplicity I've wronged him by delivering that grossly understated sentence. I don't think you can sum up Jason Mraz in a sentence. And you definitely can't ignore talent like that when it's blasted right in your face for 2 whole hours (well almost).
So the concert was awesome, just him, an acoustic, and Toca on percussions and backup - imagine being able to hold an audience captive with just that the entire night. That in itself is a feat, no? But if I merely left it at that, it'd still be a sin on my part. Its really hard to describe, (and if I'm being really mean I'd say "you have to experience it for yourself"), which in essence, you do, but I'm just not gonna say it. Hence the lame attempt to capture Jason Mraz into this paragraph.
His voice is excellent, its sweeps you off your feet; his performance is entertaining, you never get bored; his guitar-playing is just perfectly metted out without overdoing it. As you can see, I know I'd suck as a music critic - what with limited descriptive phrases in my head and and barely any elements of a prose writer in me. That being said, go check out Jason's journal entries, I just love the way he writes. A tinge of salt sprinkled on his amazing life - making it sound almost normal, yet still very intruiging. (Okay how's that for a review, huh? :)
Still, the excellence of his performance leaves much to be wondered. Aside from Jason's comfortable rapor with the audience, aided by witty comments and Toca's occasional spasmodic bursts of laughter (I swear, if they made a 'god of laughter' toy, they'd mould it exactly after Toca, and it'd go - "Press my belly and hear me laugh! Ha ha ha!"), yeah well aside from that, I don't wonder if I'dve been better off saving my $70 and getting the CD instead. With a good pair of headphones (which I do not have, incidentally), I reckon it'd sound relatively similar. Still, y'know, the thrill of hearing him live and all.
But $70! In all honestly, I'd rather be at a U2 concert for $70. At least we'd get to mosh. All in all, I'd say my $70 was a little stretched - and the $8 spent on Rockafella last week (which, I think, my DADDY paid for :P) was well worth the money. And since we're on Rockfella, again, I'd like to think that one day, I'll be able to turn to the person next to me in the mosh pit, and say "I watched their first ever performance!" - and then go on cheering Frans and the Pussycats.
10:37 AM
Friday, March 17
This thoughtlessness.
O damn, you're making my world change so bad.
Did you hear me scream last night?
1:04 PM
Wednesday, March 15
so this is the real world.
It's funny how perfection tends to slip through our fingers. Ever met the perfect guy, the guy you knew (or thought you knew) was gonna be the one, the one you thought you could never live without? And then, slowly, it all just fades away - and you grasp at thin air to get him back - thin air, because there was nothing there to begin with, really.
You realise it takes two hands to clap, and all you've been doing is falling into this pit alone. This pit - call it what you like; some may call it true love, I prefer the word deception. And the worst part of the process is not the hard landing - pain we can take - it's the helplessness of falling into nothing.
Most would say the safest road to take would be to tread slowly and carefully, and make sure you're tied to a bungee rope before you take the plunge. Well, that rope could be friends, wariness and even denial - but eventually we all take the fall. The obvious safe route would be to avoid the pit entirely, but the fact is that inevitably, we're all drawn to it sometime or other.
But now I'm sounding like a bitter love cynic.
No doubt the 'pit' is a rather negative portrayal. But then again, everyone does bungee for kicks. All I can say is - the fall may be terrifying or exhilarating, but ultimately its whether or not he puts out a safety net for you.
And I'm not willing to bet he will. Not yet.
So we're talking forever, you almost feel better.
But better's no excuse for tonight.
12:51 AM
Tuesday, March 14
BLASTOFF!
The past 2 days have been a thrilling whirlwind of adventure. Or as far as it gets.
Crayfish pasta at Moonfish. Willy Wonka bars and jellybeans at Candy Empire. Project Gotham Racing on Xbox360. Gun-shopping and Spudtroopers at Toys 'R' Us. Marker madness at Art Friend. Kate Beckinsale in Underworld: Evolution. Attempted big bang surprises and jamming at Shaun's house. Super salad at Sizzler's. Ben & Jerry's on the house by Huishan. Rugby ball fiddling at Siloso Beach. Monitor lizards at the Sentosa Luge. Satisfying dinner at Waffletown. Home sweet home.
Not too bad, huh?
I've never had this much fun in ages.
It's a beautiful day!
But I don;t wanna drown in it again.
11:48 PM
Sunday, March 12
But better's no excuse for tonight.
It was a really bad idea to go down to Suntec today (but its not like I had a choice). Got out of a major traffic jam, only to get stuck in a human one inside. Yep, you guessed it - IT fair. Nothing quite attracts Singaporeans like cheap stuff, you notice. Anyway it was packed like a mosh pit only it was a rather more sombre (actually, annoyed would be more appropriate) atmosphere. Oh well. I'm rather sick of people and crowds right now.
Anyway, what I was thinking today was that we all live sheltered lives. Our biggest worries are whether we can get good offers on the new OSIM iGallop (yah right, bad example.), when there are millions of people out there starving and dying. And even as I type this, I'm sitting in an aircon room in front of my computer sipping Ribena - and poverty seems like a fantasy word. Do we really understand what its like to fight for our lives? Are charities more to us than just wooden boxes with slots? And can we really be bothered to think about all these things, let alone do something about them.
Today, during Sunday School, we saw the names of all the kids we're sponsoring - some of whom come from countries we've never even heard of. One kid wrote a letter and asked how big are your sheep, and how many do you have? Everyone laughed and found it abit of a joke, but it suddenly dawned on me the very different environments and situations that these children are in. All we do is put money in week after week (and sometimes not even), not realising how many lives we're changing - and not caring to do more than offer our cash. We talk about love but we don't really care to give it. That's so Singaporean all round, thinking money is everything.
I hate watching NKF shows, I hate the parts where they interview the patients - they are such painful plays on pity. What do they do but serve to elevate the condescending attitude of viewers, and oh, poor little thing - let me call in and give you $5. People actually pay to watch Zoe Tay deck some cards, we actually need entertainment before we're willing to be charitable. But admittedly, its all to a good cause - afterall, no one can deny that money does solve quite a few problems.
Basically, my bottom line is - do you really care enough; do you even know what you're caring about?
9:55 PM
Saturday, March 11
I don't wanna close my eyes.
I see heaven in your eyes.
And I'm tired of being alone.
I'm sick of looking over my shoulder
only to find you're gone.
2:08 AM
Friday, March 10
The Rockafellaskank 2.
They just awakened the god of Rock, I swear it was that good. It was awesome! It rocked my socks (and I didn't even have any)! It blew my mind (yes, I have one)! I'm still high from the after-effect, so I can't really think straight. I think I might convert into a Frans and the Pussycats from now on? RAWWWWK.
on a side note.
I think I'm drowning, asphyxiating.
I wanna break the spell, that you've created.
11:37 PM
你听得到。
你好。
我要去 Rockafella！
2:05 AM
Thursday, March 9
ITS MY LIFEE.
HAHAHA
Kbox is pretty fun.
there were surprisingly many english songs (and not only old and cheesy ones), but I swear, the videos that go along with them are the ultimate turnoff. imagine singing 'Its My Life' and watching 2 sparrows fly about. like wth.
but anyway we had the times of our lives dancing on the sofas and scaring the aunties walking past. but okay, back to work I guess. I'm getting damn bored of it. and I need to get my Uni stuff done soon. I am sucha a bum I'm going to ruin my life.
somebody save me!
3:23 PM
Wednesday, March 8
something devilish, whicked.
oh oh oh,
I can hardly wait.
1:44 AM
Tuesday, March 7
this jam does not stick.
Humans are selfish creatures.
We like to think we're kind and caring - we give to charities and we smile at our friends. But stripped to pure sincerity, you'll find that most people just cannot be bothered about other people, save a blessed few - to put it bluntly. To soothe the ugliness of that statement, however, we must admit that most of the time, well, we just don't have the time.
There are many people I'd like to keep in touch with, to tell them 'I miss you!', or say 'Let's hang out someday,' but very often sheer laziness outweighs these concerns.
If we were all as caring as we'd like to believe, there would be no such word as Poverty.
But all that being said, the main point of this entire rant was that I had no tips today.
1:23 AM
Sunday, March 5
stop stealing my music!
sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad.
Jason Mraz all freaking sold out.
anyone get me tickets, and I swear I'll marry you.
(okay like that's an incentive.)
DAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRN. :(
5:50 PM
Friday, March 3
the 1-inch temper.
we all try to live, as best as we can.
its sad how a tiny slip of paper -
can cause worlds to change, relationships to dissolve, and lives to crumble.
surely there must be more than this.
I'd like to think there is.
12:41 AM
Thursday, March 2
we have a winner.
look in my eyes,
I'm jaded now - whatever that means.
oh well!
looks like I was wrong about being either damn happy or damn sad. as it is, I'm really stuck in between. can't bring myself to cry over it, although sometimes it does make one feel better, but at the same time there's no feeling of joy or satisfaction - just contentment and a little thankfulness. I suppose that would constitute to being slighty on the bright side, eh?
anyway if its anything of interest,
I got A for Math, A for Econs, B for Physics, B3 for GP, Merit for Econs S, Ungraded for Physics S.
sad about the GP, surprised about the Econs, and thankful for the Physics.
well,
my life in CJ has ended on this bittersweet, lukewarm note. I've always dreamt of getting straight A's to prove that being in any JC doesn't really make a difference. to show that my choice to stay in CJ wasn't a dumb one. but I can't really blame the place, can I? so none of this I regret - the END!
in that moment I saw your face -
there was no one else but you in that place.
just today.
12:08 AM
Wednesday, March 1
its tragic, she said to me.
well in just a few hours,
I'll get what I had coming for the past 2 years. everything into that little slip of paper. sadly, it might not actually be everything I've given, but it sure will be everything I've got after its done.
and I nervous? oh yeah.
am I afraid? surprisingly no.
what do I expect? a miracle.
10:37 AM
