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Tuesday, November 22
bloggers will rule the world.
I wonder what exactly it takes to become a Famous Blogger, in Singapore at least.
I find Singaporean blogs a tad more interesting. American blogs, for example, like to criticise Bush and hurl insults at him and his incompetence (or the supposed lack of it) - but then again we see this in Newsweek, CNN, and just about every other channel of media you can find. what's so fun about insulting American politics? everyone does it! Singaporean stuff, on the other hand, takes not only subtle wit, but (sadly,) huge daring.
hence I salute the Rocksons and even occasionally the Xiaxues. more so the Rockson because he doesn't resort to posting pictures of himself to gain attention, and what's more, he actually manages to do what we could call a DOUBLE DISS by hurling insults in Hokkien and Singlish, no less.
Xiaxue, on the other hand, while occasionally putting forth a good argument or two, tends to whine about the most inane stuff sometimes. but no matter. who is me, lowly blogger person, to argue with a Famous Blogger? if she wants to include make up tips (which, really, do work wonders evidently.) in her blog, she damn well can. speaking of make up, prom is coming - how much do you think it would cost to hire Xiaxue? like i said, she does work wonders. I hope the wonders don't come from Photoshop though, cause that kind of wonder I also can make, and that kind of wonder won't work for prom.
recently, though, I realised that there is yet another way to become a Famous Blogger. BE DAMN PRETTY. I don't know if its easier to pretend to have wits or pretend to be pretty, but I think the former. saw this picture of a Famous Blogger the other day, and she is DAMN PRETTY. (which is how she became famous in the first place.) her name is Dawn Yeo or something, if I'm not wrong, and she really is very good-looking. she doesn't even need to write anything (intelligent) in her posts - not that she is not - she just has to post many many many pictures of herself and the counters jump like, err, Olympic high jumpers - or Mexican jumping beans. anyway you get the picture, or photo, in her case.
but what's worse is actually the Here-I'm-Naked-So-Come-See-My-Blog ploy, or, if you don't already know, the SPG way. now, *horror of horrors*, someone actually compared my previous blog skin to that of hers, and honestly I was appalled. I mean, they say "this kinda thing everyone also have, see what?", but then again, must have at least something to show right? Too much. anyway, I don't endorse this method simply cause apparently, it is Art. I don't know, so you can take nude photos of yourself, do a little Photoshopping, make it black and white like a real Artsy photo, then call it Art? shrugs.
then there is always the Alternate Route.
whereby you actually become a Famous Blogger by being an Infamous Blogger. need I recall the incidents of people who a) flamed the institutions who provided them with scholarships, b) flamed people of other races, c) flamed their teachers? well. what I have to say is a) crazy, get scholarship still want to complain, b) not a very smart thing to do in Singapore - its like walking into KFC and telling the chicken wings that they are inferior to the drumsticks (if that made sense to you, congrats.), c) you damn sway. while c) might actually become some sort of celebrated hero in some student circles, the other two shall remain Condemned but Famous. part of the Alternate Route baggage, so to speak.
so the conclusion,
to be a Famous Blogger in Singapore,
you need to/can:
1) be very brave
2) talk like an Ah Beng (should be can work.)
3) be very pretty
4) be very witty
5) have good make up skills
6) know how to complain about everything in Good, Proper English, so it sounds pro.
7) anyhow insult people
8) be very thickskinned
9) be very bareskinned
10) INSULT THE GAHMEN! (CONFIRM can work - either you keep your identity a secret and garner a crowd of captivated blogger audience, or your identity becomes known and you get prosecuted. both also will become Famous Blogger, so don't worry.)
okay,
now you know,
go out and spread the cheer to the world, man.