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Friday, April 15
hai
when someone doesn't reply your msges it probably is a negative sign, no? sigh. i guess so. but i'm confused. red, green, red, green. stop, go, stop, go. whaaaat?? i totally don't get it. and more likely i'm just thinking too much, as i always do. been waiting and waiting the whole night. the whole week. for.. err.. what? i'm not really sure. and sorry i sound like i'm rambling nonsense, i am actually. don't read this, i just need to let it out. so.. waiting waiting waiting. it sucks, it really does. and i don't know what to think or to feel. and i don't even have the right to get mad. so the madness channels itself into paranoia. oh shiat.. i really am turning into a freak. firstly, let me ask you this. how can one truly forget someone? i say i have, and i probably have, but still this little thread of feelings surface sometimes - just sometimes - but i just push them right under the carpet, because its safer that way. and if i really have, why can't i bear to do away with all those physical evidence, so to speak, of the past? i mean, not like there was much of it, but you know what i mean. but all in all i think that chapter of my life is more or less done. or at least i hope so. umm, at least i think i hope so. cos sometimes i catch myself glancing that way for no reason, or seemingly no reason. now don't freak out. its not gonna start over, i won't let it. i'm just worried that even the tiniest suppressed feelings may surface someday. and then what'll i do, i don't know. right now, i have new problems, so to speak. well, not problems per se - because i think i might have conjured it all - but still confusing and a little disturbing. you know, using someone to forget someone else is really not the way to go. and it's not the way i'll go. so to comfort myself, i shall say that i am fine the way i am. and i don't need anyone now. nope. i don't. hah. why can't life love be simple just for once?
i'm sure you didn't read all that, and even if you did it wouldn;t make sense. haha. fine with me. tune in for the next episode, and be prepared for an exciting issue of me blasting the CJ rules system with no regard for consequences. if i feel like it. until then, live and love, people! (what the hell, that just came out of nowhere)